Studly Dudley: The King of Boo-Dogs

The Biggest Boo in All of Boo-Land

Monday, November 13, 2006

At least they go in the front end and not the back...

Hey fellow pups! Well, this is my daily "habit" now.. three times a day. I have to say I'm not impressed. Couldn't I have been prescribed something else.. like, say, bacon? I take these every 8 hours.. or, sort of, anyway.. Mum tries hard to be diligent at feeding them to me on time, but I have to give her a bit of sympathy since one of these feeding times falls at 2AM (nope, she didn't plan it out very well!). I'm a bit of a jerk when it comes to being fed pills.. and these pills were HUGE before they got cut into half for easier swallowing. Ptooey.. I'd rather be eating cats..

Which is why yesterday night this mysterious, delicious-smelling bag entered my house and sat on the kitchen table for a while, tantalizing my senses!! Oh yes, please take note of that chair leg which I've chewed.. good work, eh? There's Gramma's sudoku.. I sit next to her while she does it, in hopes that she will give me some MEAT! MEAT MEAT MEAT. This is usually not the case.. maybe this has something to do with her being a part-time vegetarian??

Mmm.. it smells sooo good. But, my question here is.. why do they make things so hard for us dogs to open? Plastic bag, sure, I can tear it apart with my BIG GIANT FANGS.. big and giant.. big and giant.. but what the heck is that plastic cover thingy and why is it stopping me from EATING THIS MEAT?

Well, as it turns out, this chicken is for ME to eat with my pills! One WHOLE ROAST CHICKEN.. I've never been happier. HAPPY BURPS FOR EVERYONE! I'm not sharing though..
Mum de-skinned it and picked all the meat off for me. Of course I helped by eating the little bits. I kid you not, I'm always freakin' helpful. I also like to block the refridgerator door at dinnertime with my large butt so no one can put any leftovers away.. heehee.. I want them all for myself! But Gramma always talks about "cutting calories" anyway or whatever the heck that means.. if she's cutting calories then I want some..
Anyway this is my bowl of chicken!

I told you I don't share!! Well, I guess Mum could have some if she really wanted.. but of course she loves me so much she wouldn't steal my delicious chicken. Right, Mum??

I guess pills really aren't that bad, as long as I get something tasty with them. Otherwise, Mum just tries to shove the pill down the back of my throat but she doesn't like doing this because she knows I DON'T LIKE IT.. especially when delicate ol' me is still getting over this cough deal. I gag and make faces and glare at her, she ends up with a fist full of viscous droolies and in the end I spit it up anyway so let's just put the pill in MEAT, okay?? This whole chicken is supposed to last me all the way until Wednesday, but I'm very good at eating just the chicken and spitting out the pill that's hidden inside. I'm not just brawn, after all.. ladies.. ahem.

After my chicken I like to kick back with a barbecue rawhide bone. These always perplex me.. I bite it.. and I bite it.. and it's not like they break off or anything so I can eat the bits (like with my beef knuckles). No, they just get soppy and wet. Not that I mind.. then I like to wave my head around with my floppy wet bone in my mouth. Anyone at my eye level really has to watch out, especially if they are sitting on the floor (MY DOMAIN.. the couches are also mine). I've hit Mum once or twice before with it and left big yummy messes all over her.. I don't think she liked the time I hit her in the face though.

Oops, here I got some up my nose! Seriously, can't a boo-dog chomp on a little rawhide without the PUPARAZZI (Mum!!) taking photos every 2 freakin' minutes? Pah..

Anyway guys, Mum and I are really looking forward to this Dogs With Blogs Christmas card exchange! Mum has already bought some pretty cards to send out to everyone, but still needs to take a festive photo of me to include. I promise not to co-operate.. so if the photo that you receive is just a blurry mass of red, white and brindle then I apologize in advance, but boo-dogs have our dignity. I am a King, not a fat elf.. but Mum says that is debatable, whatever that means..

**Mum also apologizes if the cards are not super, super spiffy because she has finals to read up on for, and says she is currently trying to wade through some "doorstopper" books. What an excuse-generator. (And if that is even so, then why did she leave me alone all weekend again to GO OUT to be a POTTY ANIMAL without ME??) I myself have already nibbled a bit on Joyce's Ulysses, I can tell you now that it is a very palatable novel, though very DENSE! Next, I will taste-test Eliot's Middlemarch and various works of Faulkner and Morrison. Maybe their covers will be up to par. I ate a Wharton cover last year.. VERY, VERY GOOD EDITION!! I think I should be an English major.. I am almost halfway there, being an English boo-dog!**

Anyway, this boo-dog is off to watch the telly and eat more rawhide..

BURP and Cheerio!

PS - Check out this quiz I got from Wally, who got it from Buster. Right on the button!!

Take this quiz!

Though what's this crap about not appealing to everyone? Whatever.. Wally loves me and wants to be my boo-dog girlfriend (since he got a bulldog for his answer too! I think we're kindred spirits) and that's GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME!

Thursday, November 09, 2006

My sick day!

Hey guys, thank you for all your kind comments regarding my health.. but, wow, if all sick days are as comfortable as this..!! No wonder boo-mans always take "sick" days off at work.. especially on Mondays.. when, as Meredith from The Office says, "people talk too loudly and the lights are too bright." Mum tucking warm towels around me that are fresh from the clothes dryer.. a hand-made pink pillow under head.. plus my couch blanket was just washed too!

But yesterday I wasn't doing nearly as well.. I was coughing, wheezing and throwing up my phlegmy drool and precious apples. I also peed in my bed, and had (as Dave Chappelle would say) mud butt :( It wasn't fun AT ALL. I just couldn't control anything.. I slept all day, and everyone was so worried about me - and rightly so, since I am King of Boo-Dogs after all. We couldn't get an appointment with my good friend, Dr. Gary Smith, until today though but by today I was looking much better anyway. I coughed and hacked up some stuff for him in his office, just to prove that I was still sick though.. I am so dramatic.

Anyway, although I have my bordatella shots, I still have doggy cough (Dr. Gary says some strains can still get through.. he also says Parvo is going around the lower mainland because of some crazy puppy-mill lady in Langley to BE CAREFUL, local doggies!) so I have to take these GIANT blue pills! I'll get Mum to take photos of them later. I hate taking pills but the best part is that Mum'll slip them into something really tasty (that I shouldn't normally be eating!!) like tonight I got sweet and sour chicken heh heh heh.. now when I burp, it smells like tastiness.
Unfortunately I also have a mild case of entropion, which means my bottom eyelid is a little rolled in and rubs against the surface of my eye. It doesn't bother me TOO much but every so often, on a bad day, I squint a lot. Mum could never figure it out but thought it was just an after-effect of my cherry eye surgeries. I've had THREE.. yes, that's right.. THREE eye surgeries to correct my cherry eyes, which keep coming back! There's also a description of cherry eye on that page.. but here's a jolly visual for you:

Just a few weeks after coming home from the breeder, my inner eyelid gland popped out! Yikes, it wasn't a pretty sight.. so we got it fixed right away or else it could cause dry-eye later on. Unfortunately it kept coming back.. Mum frankly didn't think the vet we were going to had much experience with bulldog problems so we went to see Dr. Gary, who Mum and I both LOVE LOVE LOVE!! He's so gentle with me, Mum is always amazed at how willing I am to do anything Dr. Gary says.
Anyway, my OWN theory (well and a little of Mum's too) is that it kept on coming back because my face kept growing and changing when I was a puppy. I think the muscles in my face kept shifting and moving, so certain muscles pressed on the gland and kept popping it out. It wasn't until I was a year old, and my face had more or less stopped growing, that the surgery finally worked. Dr. Gary says my glands are very big.. yes yes.. just like the rest of me.. you should have seen me before the neuter, WHEW, you ladies would have been all over me. Mum has a picture of my two boys before they went to la la land, but she doesn't think any one else would appreciate it.

Mum's been trying to cheer me up all night because I'm pretty sad about having to have yet another surgery.. I've been very sluggish and *BURRrrrppppp* depressed. She's sort of taken advantage of that.. she's been using me as a pillow. SIGH. Remember, I am KING of Boo-Dogs, not a peon, and should be treated accordingly as such.

She showed me some of the photos she took of me with her Rebel camera, to remind me how handsome I am. I mean, truth be told, nobody has to remind me what a buff ol' stud I am but it's okay, I like looking at photos of myself once in a while. I mean, I like Mum and all but after a while you get tired of looking at the same old scenery.. plus she is always grumpy and scowling these days because she says she has lots of papers due!

Yes, yes.. soo handsome, rugged, distinguished, chiseled - and did I mention modest? I really am on the market for a boo-dog girlfriend though.. I see everyone else playing with their same breeds and they all have cute significant others. SIGH.. Scuba has his bull terrier girl.. two boxers that I know have other boxer girls to play with.. Sunshade has Bogie (BARF!!). Sigh.. well, maybe at the next Vancouver bulldog meet-up I'll have a little luck :)

Oh yeah.. everyone in Boo-Land thinks my legs look like something.. can you guess what it is?

A GIANT CHICKEN THIGH! Mum always jokes how if it came down to it and she had to EAT ME (what???????) it would be my juicy leg that would be FIRST to go. SERIOUSLY, ARE YOUR MUMS THIS MEAN TO EVEN SPECULATE ABOUT EATING YOU?? I don't know what to make with this.. this is why I sleep with one eye open. To make sure no one eats my leg.

BURP and Cheerio!

Monday, November 06, 2006

Grumble, grumble..

You know, Mum had all week to let me on the computer to blog but of course she always interrupts me right when I am chewing on my delicious beef knuckle. Mmm.. embarrassing story, pups.. I have to admit, I am a little scared of my beef knuckle. When Mum brings me one home, you better believe I'm drooling but when she sets it on the floor I sort of don't know what to do with it! Mum sometimes takes a little bit of it apart for me.

..I eventually figure it out! Here I am, being such a good dog and ignoring Mum's socks.. what a slob, leaving her crap all over my carpet. Have some respect!! When I was just a pup, I used to LOOOVE socks! Mum had some tiny ankle socks, and when nobody was home I went and snuck them out from behind the heater (where she hides her socks from me in the living room when she is too lazy to put them in the hamper.. again, SLOB!). Gramma came home and gave me heck for chewing on one of them.. but.. where was the other sock?? Heh heh heh.. nobody knew where it went, they thought I had hidden it.. but, the TRUTH is my little secret.

Well, TWO days later, Mum woke up from a nap on the couch and didn't have her glasses or contacts in, but she saw something underneath the dining room table. Now, this was back in the day when I was still generous enough to leave gifts around the house so Mum crawled over to the UNKNOWN lying on the floor, thinking it was a little stinky love gift from me.. but instead, sure enough, it was MY sock! I either pooped it out or threw it up! Hooray for me!!
Of course, she realized it was my pooped out sock only AFTER she had held it an inch away from her face and smelled it to see what it was.. HEH HEH HEH.. I am so good at playing doggy tricks on Mum :)
Anyway she knows how dangerous that COULD have been, so Mum considers herself very lucky because I am a VERY accident-prone boo-dog!

I trust you all notice my beautiful uni-fang there. I wish I could tell you that, with these boo-dog jaws of mine, I CAN CRUSH BONE!! (..but I can't, really..)

I like to hoard all my bone bits by the fan in the living room! This way Mum can't find them.. or that's what I thought, until one day, SNAP! She took a photo.. I guess to make up for the fact that she had to (BURP!) smell my poo sock. Darnit, the fan was such a good hiding spot too.. right in the middle of the room.. so convenient :(

Well let me tell you, fellow pups, that the last few days I haven't been blogging have been foggy as anything here in Vancouver! It was rainy and cold, so Mum made me put on the raincoat.. one day she will learn the wrath of Dudley.. and to add insult to injury she thought it would be cute to take a picture of me peeing.

..Okay, I admit it. I still pee like a girl. But.. other bulldogs.. Cyrus, Brody? I hear other bulldogs also pee like girls too, not because WE ARE ANY LESS MANLY (ahem!!) but because of our morphology! It is simply easier for me to pee like a delicate lady. I attest this simply to my laziness too.. because laziness >>> manliness.

This is me, trying to go for a poop but all Mum wants to do is take photos.. grr.. there is only so much I can do before the peristalsis kicks in.

I must admit, I am not a rugged dog. I enjoy the trail every now and then, and I love dog parks, but brr ask me to go outside in the fog for 5 minutes and when I get home I'll try to shake it off! SHAKE OFF THE FOG!

Anyway, once we got inside it was time for dinner. Now, it has taken Mum a very long time to find a food that I wasn't allergic to.. I've tried holistic food, veterinarian diets and high-protein diets, but nothing is good to me except for Royal Canin Bulldog formula.
But, Mum decided to treat me that day with half a can of Innova turkey&chicken.. mm..

This is my angry face.. well, angrier than usual face.. feed me now!

Mmm.. soo good.. every once in a while, Mum does something right. Not often, but sometimes. Letting me lick the spoon is totally one of them. When Gramma went away for a month, Mum cooked almost everyday (well, exaggeration, but sometimes I like to make Mum look pretty good) and I got to lick the spoon! And if there were healthy leftovers, I got some.. like roast chicken :) Mmm, mm life sure was good while Gramma wasn't around.. don't tell her I said that though.. she always feeds me treats everyday.. but they are healthy treats.. UGH..

OOOH delish, delish! My kibble mixed with delicious smelly canned food! Aren't I charming, lifting a paw for my meal? This is my trick for EVERYthing.. if Mum is mad at me, I give her my paw.. if I want some food, I give her my paw.. if I want my belly itched, I give her my paw.. and her heart melts, because I am adorable, and I get my way! It works everytime, you should try it, pups.

But this was also the day that Mum realized that high-protein diets may not be for me, because the next day I woke up and within an hour I was in the car on my way to the vet's, looking like this:

No, no, I already know I look SUPER HANDSOME.. but do you notice something else??
Yes, that's right, I'm WEARING THE CONE! :((

I had a bad allergic reaction to the food and my face swelled up.. I seriously think Mum is the biggest jerkface in the whole world for taking photos of me in such a debilitated condition. She APPARENTLY felt bad for me but thought I was very cute (well of course) with my enlarged wrinkles and tiny beady eyes! I woke up at 6am rubbing my face into anything and everything I could, including sharp corners and the furry carpet! I WAS SO ITCHY!! The cone was put on me so I wouldn't hurt myself.. I always have an emergency cone, just in case. I don't mind them THAT much, but they are just a total fashion faux pas.
I think I will get my Mum a cone for Halloween next year, and I will wear mine too and we can be sick dogs together.

Anyway, the kind vet gave me two shots, one of antihistamine and one of something else, and it brought down my swelling and my itchies.. but gosh, it made me so slow and sleepy! I know.. slowER, and sleepiER?? I didn't think it could be possible either but I was out for the whole day.

It might be hard to see, but please note the string of drool attached from my left jowl to my cone.

I felt much better and the next day, I went to daycare. I was naughty, and even though I did my business at home already, I dribbled a little in the car and pooped again inside at daycare! Gramma thinks that maybe I should have stayed at home, because the antihistamines might still have affected me somehow. I mean, I don't really mind the vet 'cause the girls there are so nice to me and call me "handsome" and "big boy" and all those other obvious compliments.. but they always seem to do strange things to me.. sigh..

Anyway, pups, it's really late so I will go rest my head on this cute pink pillow that my auntie made.. I swear it's manlier than I'm describing it.. yawn..

BURP and Cheerio!

Dudley's Mum: It seems as though Dudley has fallen sick from something at daycare, because he didn't seem right when he came home last night. This morning he woke up, wheezing and coughing continuously. He managed to throw up some foam, a mixture of drool and phlegm, and some apples from last night, but still continued to wheeze after. My mom looked after him while I was in class today and said he dripped a little diarrhea, but mostly slept all day. :( Tonight when I came home, he got super excited and started doing the bum dance, and got over-excited and started to choke and cough again (of course my mom yelled at me for disturbing his sleep.. "why did you call his name.. let him sleep.. what's wrong you.." yes mom..). So far tonight, all he has done is sleep and lick water from my fingers.. he is cuddled up with a heater, blankets and his pink pillow. He got up to pee but is mostly very lethargic and sadder-looking than ever!
Anyway we are whisking him off to the vet tomorrow in Surrey which was unfortunately the earliest appointment we could get with him. The local vet we went to for the antihistamines has very little experience with bulldogs and we only ever see him for minor things. Please keep your paws and fingers crossed that it is nothing serious.. Dudley has already gone through his fair share of surgeries considering his young age, and I just hope the news we hear tomorrow will be good news.
Whew I hope Dudley doesn't find about this note 'til much later.. he'll be mad at me for infiltrating his blog.. teehee! Well, that's what you get for sitting on my hair when you have poop on your butt.
Oh yeah, COMPLETE non-dog side note.. I think I previously posted that DUDLEY SAID I WAS 84 IN DOG YEARS. Let's clarify that. Apparently I cannot do math. I am 147 in dog years.. yes yes, ancient, I know (but at least I'm not a 12 year old, which would be creepy in a way!).

Sunday, November 05, 2006

A day in the life of Dudley

Hi, pups! This is a short post.. as I have been very busy in the last week doing important dog things. I'll make a longer post later! This short comic strip will illustrate a day in the life of ME, Dudley.. this is what I've been doing all week long.

I am very important. BURP.
I am also very talented, as I helped with making that little comic strip. Chewing my pig's ear beside Mum helps, right? Anyway, I don't quite like that last frame and I made it very clear when I smushed my soggy pig ear all along Mum's clean sweater. The thing is, this morning when I went for my 9am poop (not only am I very important, I am also very regular!) something strange happened when I was done! It felt like there was someone tugging on my butt :( OH my dog it drove me nuts.. I didn't know what it was, and trust me it was SCARY! So I RAN home.. and I RAN under the table.. then I RAN from corner to corner.. banging into walls and doors as I slid to a stop. Then I RAN and JUMPED onto the couch and sat on Mum's hair. I tried to nap for a little but I couldn't!
Finally I jumped off the couch and hid under the table again.. ohh my poor boo-tiful bum, some unseen force was doing mean things to it! Suddenly Mum couldn't stop laughing because she saw what the problem was. After she settled down, she explained it to me.

Sometimes I swallow a strand of hair or two when I lick the carpet or chew on my toys and it *blush* gets caught in my poop. When I was done my business today, I still had a strand of hair caught in my bum hanging out, and there were little poo bits hanging off of it.. hitting my bum as I ran! I was being chased by my own poo :((
I'M SO EMBARRASSED.. don't tell anyone..
sigh.. I hope beautiful Miss Sunshade still wants to make me her man#4 after hearing about my shameful morning.
Oh well, the best part is that I sat on Mum's long hair when I still had poo on my butt.. heh heh heh. There is a justice at work here.

BURP and Cheerio!