Grumble, grumble..

You know, Mum had all week to let me on the computer to blog but of course she always interrupts me right when I am chewing on my delicious beef knuckle. Mmm.. embarrassing story, pups.. I have to admit, I am a little scared of my beef knuckle. When Mum brings me one home, you better believe I'm drooling but when she sets it on the floor I sort of don't know what to do with it! Mum sometimes takes a little bit of it apart for me.


..I eventually figure it out! Here I am, being such a good dog and ignoring Mum's socks.. what a slob, leaving her crap all over my carpet. Have some respect!! When I was just a pup, I used to LOOOVE socks! Mum had some tiny ankle socks, and when nobody was home I went and snuck them out from behind the heater (where she hides her socks from me in the living room when she is too lazy to put them in the hamper.. again, SLOB!). Gramma came home and gave me heck for chewing on one of them.. but.. where was the other sock?? Heh heh heh.. nobody knew where it went, they thought I had hidden it.. but, the TRUTH is my little secret.

Well, TWO days later, Mum woke up from a nap on the couch and didn't have her glasses or contacts in, but she saw something underneath the dining room table. Now, this was back in the day when I was still generous enough to leave gifts around the house so Mum crawled over to the UNKNOWN lying on the floor, thinking it was a little stinky love gift from me.. but instead, sure enough, it was MY sock! I either pooped it out or threw it up! Hooray for me!!
Of course, she realized it was my pooped out sock only AFTER she had held it an inch away from her face and smelled it to see what it was.. HEH HEH HEH.. I am so good at playing doggy tricks on Mum :)
Anyway she knows how dangerous that COULD have been, so Mum considers herself very lucky because I am a VERY accident-prone boo-dog!


I trust you all notice my beautiful uni-fang there. I wish I could tell you that, with these boo-dog jaws of mine, I CAN CRUSH BONE!! (..but I can't, really..)


I like to hoard all my bone bits by the fan in the living room! This way Mum can't find them.. or that's what I thought, until one day, SNAP! She took a photo.. I guess to make up for the fact that she had to (BURP!) smell my poo sock. Darnit, the fan was such a good hiding spot too.. right in the middle of the room.. so convenient :(

Well let me tell you, fellow pups, that the last few days I haven't been blogging have been foggy as anything here in Vancouver! It was rainy and cold, so Mum made me put on the raincoat.. one day she will learn the wrath of Dudley.. and to add insult to injury she thought it would be cute to take a picture of me peeing.

..Okay, I admit it. I still pee like a girl. But.. other bulldogs.. Cyrus, Brody? I hear other bulldogs also pee like girls too, not because WE ARE ANY LESS MANLY (ahem!!) but because of our morphology! It is simply easier for me to pee like a delicate lady. I attest this simply to my laziness too.. because laziness >>> manliness.


This is me, trying to go for a poop but all Mum wants to do is take photos.. grr.. there is only so much I can do before the peristalsis kicks in.


I must admit, I am not a rugged dog. I enjoy the trail every now and then, and I love dog parks, but brr ask me to go outside in the fog for 5 minutes and when I get home I'll try to shake it off! SHAKE OFF THE FOG!

Anyway, once we got inside it was time for dinner. Now, it has taken Mum a very long time to find a food that I wasn't allergic to.. I've tried holistic food, veterinarian diets and high-protein diets, but nothing is good to me except for Royal Canin Bulldog formula.
But, Mum decided to treat me that day with half a can of Innova turkey&chicken.. mm..

This is my angry face.. well, angrier than usual face.. feed me now!


Mmm.. soo good.. every once in a while, Mum does something right. Not often, but sometimes. Letting me lick the spoon is totally one of them. When Gramma went away for a month, Mum cooked almost everyday (well, exaggeration, but sometimes I like to make Mum look pretty good) and I got to lick the spoon! And if there were healthy leftovers, I got some.. like roast chicken :) Mmm, mm life sure was good while Gramma wasn't around.. don't tell her I said that though.. she always feeds me treats everyday.. but they are healthy treats.. UGH..


OOOH delish, delish! My kibble mixed with delicious smelly canned food! Aren't I charming, lifting a paw for my meal? This is my trick for EVERYthing.. if Mum is mad at me, I give her my paw.. if I want some food, I give her my paw.. if I want my belly itched, I give her my paw.. and her heart melts, because I am adorable, and I get my way! It works everytime, you should try it, pups.

But this was also the day that Mum realized that high-protein diets may not be for me, because the next day I woke up and within an hour I was in the car on my way to the vet's, looking like this:

No, no, I already know I look SUPER HANDSOME.. but do you notice something else??
Yes, that's right, I'm WEARING THE CONE! :((


I had a bad allergic reaction to the food and my face swelled up.. I seriously think Mum is the biggest jerkface in the whole world for taking photos of me in such a debilitated condition. She APPARENTLY felt bad for me but thought I was very cute (well of course) with my enlarged wrinkles and tiny beady eyes! I woke up at 6am rubbing my face into anything and everything I could, including sharp corners and the furry carpet! I WAS SO ITCHY!! The cone was put on me so I wouldn't hurt myself.. I always have an emergency cone, just in case. I don't mind them THAT much, but they are just a total fashion faux pas.
I think I will get my Mum a cone for Halloween next year, and I will wear mine too and we can be sick dogs together.

Anyway, the kind vet gave me two shots, one of antihistamine and one of something else, and it brought down my swelling and my itchies.. but gosh, it made me so slow and sleepy! I know.. slowER, and sleepiER?? I didn't think it could be possible either but I was out for the whole day.

It might be hard to see, but please note the string of drool attached from my left jowl to my cone.

I felt much better and the next day, I went to daycare. I was naughty, and even though I did my business at home already, I dribbled a little in the car and pooped again inside at daycare! Gramma thinks that maybe I should have stayed at home, because the antihistamines might still have affected me somehow. I mean, I don't really mind the vet 'cause the girls there are so nice to me and call me "handsome" and "big boy" and all those other obvious compliments.. but they always seem to do strange things to me.. sigh..

Anyway, pups, it's really late so I will go rest my head on this cute pink pillow that my auntie made.. I swear it's manlier than I'm describing it.. yawn..

BURP and Cheerio!
Dudley

Dudley's Mum: It seems as though Dudley has fallen sick from something at daycare, because he didn't seem right when he came home last night. This morning he woke up, wheezing and coughing continuously. He managed to throw up some foam, a mixture of drool and phlegm, and some apples from last night, but still continued to wheeze after. My mom looked after him while I was in class today and said he dripped a little diarrhea, but mostly slept all day. :( Tonight when I came home, he got super excited and started doing the bum dance, and got over-excited and started to choke and cough again (of course my mom yelled at me for disturbing his sleep.. "why did you call his name.. let him sleep.. what's wrong you.." yes mom..). So far tonight, all he has done is sleep and lick water from my fingers.. he is cuddled up with a heater, blankets and his pink pillow. He got up to pee but is mostly very lethargic and sadder-looking than ever!
Anyway we are whisking him off to the vet tomorrow in Surrey which was unfortunately the earliest appointment we could get with him. The local vet we went to for the antihistamines has very little experience with bulldogs and we only ever see him for minor things. Please keep your paws and fingers crossed that it is nothing serious.. Dudley has already gone through his fair share of surgeries considering his young age, and I just hope the news we hear tomorrow will be good news.
Whew I hope Dudley doesn't find about this note 'til much later.. he'll be mad at me for infiltrating his blog.. teehee! Well, that's what you get for sitting on my hair when you have poop on your butt.
Oh yeah, COMPLETE non-dog side note.. I think I previously posted that DUDLEY SAID I WAS 84 IN DOG YEARS. Let's clarify that. Apparently I cannot do math. I am 147 in dog years.. yes yes, ancient, I know (but at least I'm not a 12 year old, which would be creepy in a way!).